This weekend my ThinkPad Edge came in all its smooth, thin, black, sleek, quiet, new, amazingness.

It’s definitely a huge update. My old laptop makes continuous fan and buzzing noises, I’ve lost track of the stuff that’s been installed on it, it’s still running vista, it takes like 15 minutes to start up completely, and most of all… the hinge broke… so other than the loud noises, there’s a possibility of me not ever knowing when my laptop is actually on… and if I move the screen a little… it all turns black. It’s quite sad really, even when its on screen saver, my old laptop is louder than this one.

But despite that, I can’t help but feel a little sad. I can’t help but think I can still revive my old laptop and stay with it forever. And its not just because I can’t use my laptop as a tablet anymore or because I can’t turn my screen… it’s just that… well it’s my laptop. I feel connected to it somehow… somehow moving on makes it feel sad and left out.

I miss the post-it notes that were on the cover (even though I didn’t originally want them… they just became a part of the laptop…), my cool firefox on the bottom left corner… my rss feed in the upper right… the finger scanner I never really used except for the fun of it.

I’m just used to my old laptop… where the sound buttons were located… where the power button was located… how I could adjust settings in the dark because I knew exactly where each part of my laptop was. The square size of the screen, the worn out feel of the trackpoint.

I think I have this problem with a lot of things. I’m a person who can’t really seem to let go and move on.

I like to hold on to all my old toys, stuffed animals, notes, cards, and even homework…

It’s like this anytime I own something… even like broken backpacks… I have a problem with throwing things away. I feel like they can always be of use…. or the memories they hold are just to sad to part with even though I know they’ll just sit there and I won’t think about them or use them… ever.

I guess I just don’t really like change, just like I don’t like making decisions. I don’t like it when things are made final… guess it makes me feel trapped or stuck… my mind easily gets filled with the what-ifs.

But once I do move on, things get better (typically). Sometimes holding back can be a stumbling block to ministry and a way for Satan to have a strong hold in my life.

Life changes and I need to get used to it.

Glad some friends came over and liked my laptop. Made me happier about my decision 🙂


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