You take my hand

and drag me headfirst fearless…

My freshman year of college I was so excited and afraid. I knew it was God who I was serving and I knew tangibly how I wanted to change.

It was freshman year of college when I realized that I was being selfish with my faith. I had been content for so long with having my relationship with God, and I didn’t think much about sharing it. I didn’t really talk about my faith with my friends at school, and I didn’t even talk much about my relationship with God to my friends at church… I guess it was a part of the whole “solitude makes you stronger”, “needing people is for the weak”, “I’m independent”. Then He slapped me in the face and told me I was wrong.

How could I not share this love for Christ? How could I be so selfish to keep it all to myself. How could I hate people so much that I didn’t want them to have a part of that overflowing love and peace? How could I not have seen that we were made to be relational beings for ourselves, and for the … well pretty much fellowship period exclamation point (I’m kinda tired right now and words seems to be running out of my brain and fusing with passing air molecules)?

Anyway, it was then that I realized I need to be outspoken! Christ isn’t another part of us that we can hide away when we feel like it. We ARE Christians, Christ is a part of who we ARE, we are the “new self which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of it’s creator”!

I like tangible goals. My goal freshman year was to always offer to pray. I love to pray (and I don’t like to use the word love that loosely).  I love to talk to God. Since about my junior year in High School I would pray all day. Any moment I had to my own thoughts, well… I guess they wouldn’t just be to my own thoughts, because God would be right there in the conversation. So why then would I be embarrassed to pray for dinner or pray to open the night, pray to close the night? FEAR OF MAN. Ooooh, that’s bad. So I decided to get rid of that fear. I prayed about it. He took my hand, I jumped in. I was fearless.

Whenever I reminice with a group of christian friends about some of our first impressions of each other, they always tell me how amazed they were that I was so ready to pray. There was a point when I went to visit one of them for their Birthday. We went to a Japanese restraunt with about 6 of his friends from High School. God tugged at my heart, this was it. This was the ultimate test of the quarter, you are a Christ follower no matter what the situation. I asked if I could pray for dinner. They let me. We all bowed our head for a little and I prayed. I prayed for dinner for 3 christians and 6 non-christians.

For some reason we seem to feel more comfortable praying for something if the number of Christians out numbers the number of non-christians… or if it’s close, that’s ok too. Why should that be? If we ARE Christians, I mean, if that’s really apart of who we ARE, shouldn’t we pray “even if we were the only one, who wants to [pray]” (from an Amy Grant song… except the word was fly instead of pray… same idea). A long while back I wrote a post (no longer here) about being the minority of one. Jesus did was was unpopular. Jesus hung on the cross alone. Just because no one else seems to think your right, it doesn’t make you any less right (unless you were actually wrong to begin with). If praying is the right thing to do, then DO IT.

After I was satisfied and I knew for myself that I had no fear in praying aloud, and the ultimate goal had been reached; I stopped offering so often. It’s not because I don’t want to, or that I’m afraid again, it’s because I want to give other people a chance. For that short while, I had so much joy and experience blessings from God each time I prayed aloud. Why steal that joy from others? Unfortunatley not as many others see it as a joy. I don’t know if it’s the right tactic, but I wait till the veeeery last moment to see if someone else will offer to pray, not because I don’t want to, but because I want them to find that part of their faith as well. I mean, I understand that some people are still afraid to pray aloud… it’s ok, their time will come (though I do encourage it to come sooner than later). I must say, sometimes I’m selfish and just announce that I’m going to pray without giving anyone else the chance to.

I guess this is why I hate it (not dislike with a passion, but actually hate as in it makes me fustratingly angry, as in the last time I heard someone do it, I felt the heat rising to my face and had to calm down… that doesn’t happen a lot to me) when people thank others for praying before they’ve actually prayed or offered to pray. What does that say about our love of God and our love to pray? It basically says it’s non-existant. It’s become a forced habit. If no one wants to pray for the people there, well then don’t do it. If you don’t love the people there and if  you don’t want God in your life enough to want to simply ask Him to be a part of your time, well then don’t ask Him. It’s just making you look Christian without being Christian.

For you have died and are hidden in Christ with God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory… He IS your life. You can’t hide who you are. So what does that say about you right now?

Are you empowered by God? Does His love make you fearless? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

There are so many things we can be afraid of, but God lets us hide in the shadows of His wings… unfortunately I’m usually still afraid. One day I’ll be able to say for sureity that He is enough. Right now, I want Him to be enough. But just as God in His perfect knowledge knows, I am sinful.

It’s always good to remind ourselves of the lessons God has taught us so we don’t back slide. About two weeks ago, I realized I was afraid to share the gospel to a group of people I knew were already Christians. I started back sliding. I need more friction under my feet.

Tonight’s message at AACF is about the necessity of prayer. The title is “Thirst”. The speaker is Rich Katakawa. I can’t wait to hear what he has to say. “THIS, IS THE BIBLE” 😀

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You Belong With Me

was stuck in my head all weekend. Today, Our Song is playing over and over. Not that it’s a bad thing, infact, they make me want to grab my guitar and play a tune… though it is kind of bad when you can’t because you have to finish over 5 pages of homework or sit through 6 more hours of class.

It’s funny how things come into your head sometimes. About half an hour ago I was set to come sit down and write a depressing blog post about my grandfather and what seems to be hopelesness in the world, but as Our Song was playing in my head, I decided to browse through my google reader and see if anything new had popped up. Oh lucky! Two of my favorite bloggers had updated not just once but twice since the last time I checked! (Too bad my 3rd favorite blogger didn’t post, I always look forward to those because they’re longer but less frequent)… but I digress (and I do know what this word means). Blah blah blah. Somehow it popped in my head again, just for a split second. I guess this is what comes from reading blogs about people’s walks with Christ mixed with the Taylor Swift soundtrack. 

Lots of worship songs, if not all worship songs are love songs. Obviously not all love songs are worship songs.

In our “Choose your own adventure” series in Genesis, I joined the small group talking about faith and the media. The question that was asked throughout that was never really answered was, can you think of something of the media that is not explicitly Christian that gives you insight into God (something along those lines)?

Aren’t we a lot like that jerk of a guy that Taylor had a crush on? We watch the music video the whole time thinking about how stupid that guy is and waiting for the happy ending to come when he realizes it. Obviously the girl singing the song is better for him and waaay prettier even if they try to hide it with glasses. I wonder if God ever sees us that way. He sees us going for the things the world tells us we should look for, the glamour. The high heels, short skirts, cheerleaders. When we look at God we seem to think He just isn’t as enticing; t-shirts, sneakers, out on the bleachers. We might think of Him as our best friend, that neighbor across the street we like to hangout with when no one else is around to take our attention, but nothing more than that. He hears us rant, sees us suffer as the world gives us false hopes and fake joys. They don’t get our story like He does.  

I think about those who are still searching for the narrow path or those who are aimlessly trudging on not knowing what they’re even looking for. Since about freshman year of High School I noticed that one of the first things I thought about when I saw people was “I wonder if they’re happy, I wonder if they know Christ”. Actually, I look at Christians and non-Christians alike everytime I see a dejected face, fustration, or just a lack of that peace and joy that is supposed to be our inheritance. Most Christians don’t look to God the way they look to the world – and there enlies our problem.

Oh I remember you driving to my house
in the middle of the night
I’m the one who makes you laugh
when you know you’re about to cry
I know your favorite songs
and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong.
I think I know it’s with me.

Can’t you see that I’m the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can’t you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that, baby
You belong with me

Why can’t we all seem to have that happy ending and realize that it’s God that brings us the most joy.

 

I’m waiting for the day when we wake up and find that what we’ve been looking for has been here the whole time.